Jokes All Around
by FabulousFever
Summary: Harley Quinn and The Joker. Rated M for sexual content. i always picture it in NOLANVERSE, but it fits anywhere. :D


**Authors note: hey guys, I got my inspiration for this story from an amazing story called **_**Painted Faces**_** by **_**Alex Snape**_**. If you haven't read you can still read mine, it is unrelated, but I suggest you read it because it is amazing. My first Harley and Joker fic, hope you like :D**

Dr. Harleen Quinnzel had been treating The Joker for the last two months; she had become obsessed with trying to crack his case. She gave up her social life, and dedicated all her spare time to re-reading his file and her notes from their sessions. For some unknown reason Harleen couldn't get the Joker out of her system, she needed to know what made the cogs in his head turn, and she was prepared for anything he might say. She had considered all the reasons; abuse, drugs, illness, revenge, but she had to hear it from him. She was determined.

"Hello Mr. Joker" Harleen said walking into their therapy room. The Joker was sitting upright on the couch with his hands cuffed "Hello Harley. I think it's time you stop the 'Mr. Joker' act and call me by my real name" he said almost chuckling. Harleen was so surprised that she dropped her notebook. Without bothering to pick it up she turned around on the spot to face him. "And what would that be Mr. Joker?" "Come sit next to me and I'll tell you" he growled playfully.

Harleen carefully moved closer to the couch, hesitating before sitting down; finally she sat at the opposite end of the couch. He stared at her softly, and patted the spot next to him. She slowly shook her head to say no. "C'mon baby doll, I don't bite…. Often" Harleen felt her chest tighten at his statement, but before she could refuse, she found herself sliding closer to him. The Joker put his cuffed hand just above her knee and began to draw circles on her soft, delicate skin making shiver ran up and down her spine.

Harleen found herself extremely nervous, but not for the reason she had thought. She felt almost drawn to him, the tightness in her chest building, her heart racing, her breath quickening, and heat beginning to rise below her stomach. She had to say something. "Mister J, what is your name?" Harleen said, in almost a whisper. It didn't even occur to her that she was using the name he designated only for her.

"It's a secret… but I'll tell you if you come closer" he said with a wicked smile on his face. She instantly moved closer; her thigh brushing his and their heads so close she could feel his breath. Her cheeks started to turn a faint pink and she looked down to avoid his piecing gaze. The Joker removed his hand from above her knee and placed it on her chin. He brought her eyes to meet his, they stared for just a moment, but it felt like almost an eternity.

He pulled her face to his and pushed his lips to hers. Harleen was so shocked that her lips parted slightly, which was more than enough for The Joker to push his tongue through. She felt his tongue dancing around her mouth and began to respond. Their fierce kiss became more heated by the second, and Harleys groin became moist.

She pulled away from the kiss and put her hand to her mouth in a gasp. He sat there with a wide grin stretching across his face. "I'll see you tomorrow sweetness, dress up for your Mister J and you might get a treat." he said as he began to stand. The guards came in and took The Joker back to his cell. Harley was still in shock, she sat on the couch with her hand on her lips for the next ten minutes.

Her assistant came into her office and found her on the couch. "Dr. Quinnzel? Are you alright?" Harley didn't answer; she just continued to stare into the space The Joker had been sitting last. "Dr. Quinnzel? I'm going to cancel the rest of today's sessions, go home and rest." Her assistant left the room dialing numbers.

One of the guards had helped her home, thinking she was ill and set her down on her couch in her apartment. "Dr. Quinnzel, your stuff is on the table, feel better now Doc, call if you need anything" said the handsome Arkham guard. Harley simply nodded as he left. She sat on her couch for what seemed like hours, until finally it hit her. _He kissed me!_ She thought excitedly and squeaked happily as she realized she loved him.

That night she went to bed early, filling empty hours with dreams of her Puddin'. The next morning she ran to her closet looking for something incredibly sexy to wear; after half an hour of looking, a shower, and another ten minutes looking, she settled on a short, spaghetti strapped, skin tight, red dress and a long sleeve jacket to go over it, to avoid suspicion. She put on her white lab coat, gathered her things from the table and skipped down to her waiting carpool.

The two sessions before The Joker's seemed to take years. She found herself doodling _Harley and The Joker_ accompanied by multiple hearts all over her notebook. During the sessions she didn't listen to the patients, but only ever said "and how does that make you feel" during any long pause. After her second patient left, she ran to her private bathroom, and applied less subtle makeup, and let her hair down.

Her desk intercom went off with a guard saying "bringing The Joker up now Doc". She removed her coat and her jacket, and skipped to her desk. She sat on top of it with her legs crossed seductively awaiting his arrival. The door opened a crack and a gigantic arm pushed through The Joker and slammed the door closed. Heavy footsteps went down the hall the elevator opened.

The Joker turned around and saw Harley sitting in a tiny, red dress, with killer heels, sitting seductively. He whistled in approval and said "come to daddy" as he walked toward her. She got up and ran to him, flinging her arms around his neck; she brought her lips to his. The Joker broke the kiss, and lightly ran his hand through her hair, stopping when he reached a hair pin. "May I?" he said taking the pin out of her hair. He put the pin into the locks on his cuffs, and with a few clicks and grunts his hands were free.

He placed the cuffs on the good doctor's chair, and turned around to see Harley sitting on the couch. He sat next to her with a grin. The second he sat down Harley jumped on him and began to kiss him. He could only chuckle with delight at the raving mad woman he had turned her into. Weeks of flirting and bending her mind had proven successful. He relaxed against the couch and pulled Harley onto his hips. She smiled playfully while straddling him.

"I'm going to escape tonight Harls, and go prepare my new hideout, if you want to come along let me know now" he said with a serious face. "Oh daddy, I'd love to come and live with you" she said squeaking with joy. "Harls, listen to daddy. I'll come to your apartment in exactly one week, I'll be waiting outside at midnight, and if you are late I won't come back for you." Harley nodded like a child, and buried her face into his chest and sighed "I love ya Mister J". The Joker kissed the top of her head before pushing her off him. She landed on the floor with tears threatening to escape. The Joker stood up, re-cuffed himself, and began walking to the door. He stopped right before it, turned, and said "give daddy a kiss good luck". Harley ran towards him and kissed him passionately, their tongues caressing gently to say good bye for the long week. With that the joker left her office and walked toward the waiting guard.

A week had past and Harley was more anxious than she had been in the car ride to college. It was ten o'clock, and she had two hours to pack whatever she wanted to take. She sat at the edge of her bed and read the letter she had gotten from The Joker, for the thousandth time.  
><em>Harley,<br>Pack whatever you can fit in one bag. I have clothes for you here at the hideout, so only bring what you can't live without.  
>- J<em>

She smiled and pressed the note to her chest. She had narrowed down her closet to a few dresses, some sexy lingerie, and her Halloween costume from a few years ago. Something told her to take the outfit with her. It was a full body spandex suit, one side red and the other black, and came with an adorable jester's cowl, which Harley loved. She also planned to bring all her makeup, a few of her favourite books, and her fluffy little clown doll.

She stuffed everything into her pink duffle bag, except her black and red laced teddy, and her long fur coat. She took a long hot shower and dressed in her sexy outfit. She looked at the clock, it read eleven fifty. She was so excited she began to jump up and down. She picked up her bag and left the apartment. She looked back once more to remember the place she called home, and locked the door. She waited outside the building for him in the chilly autumn breeze, clutching her coat to keep her warm.

At eleven fifty nine, a beat up brown van came racing around the corner and stopped right where she stood. The door opened to reveal The Joker sitting in the back seat smiling. She jumped into the van and hugged him tightly as they sped off into the night. The car stopped and The Joker pulled a green scarf out of his purple suit. He gentle placed the scarf over Harley's eyes and tied it at the back.

She was lead from the car, into a strange building. The building was warmer than outside, but still slightly chilly. The Joker took her bag and threw it onto a table, the loud thump made Harley jump. She felt his breath on her neck as he whispered "trust me baby doll". He lead her up some stairs and opened a door, he gently pushed her through the door and barked orders at some henchmen. He gripped her hand and sat her on the edge of a bed. He crouched in front of her and removed her blindfold.

She opened her eyes and saw that she was in a bedroom filled with purples, greens and blues. She gasped in delight and kissed The Joker lovingly. "Oh Mister J, it's wonderful! Now it's time for your present" she said with a grin as she stood up. The Joker stood with her, but was suddenly pushed onto the bed. He growled, half in anger, half in attraction.

She slid out of her shoes, and slowly turned around; she dropped the coat from her delicate body, and turned back around to meet his hungry eyes. She blew him a kiss, with a wink as she stood in the chilly room wearing nothing but her teddy. The Joker rose from the bed, and kissed her passionately, his tongue hungrily eating at hers. He broke the kiss and took a step back. He took off his coat, and pushed his suspenders down. Harley's eyes became wide with need as she began to undress.

Harley lay on the bed fully stretched out. The Joker took off his shirt and threw it to the ground. He dived onto the bed and instantly began to nibble her hard, pink nipples. She moaned with pleasure, which only made him want her more. She felt him hardening against her thigh, as he took her other breast into his mouth and hungrily sucked at it. She arched her back and pressed herself against him. He rose up to meet her eyes and playfully said "what's that baby doll? You want daddy inside you? You want daddy to take you like the filthy slut you are?" he began to laugh uncontrollably as she nodded her head yes, over and over.

He spread her legs wide, and unzipped his pants. She felt his tip and her dripping entrance, and moaned in anticipated pleasure. With one fast, rough movement he thrust into showing no mercy. Harley screamed in pain as he broke her thin barrier and filled her completely. He began to thrust violently while she screamed to the heavens. He took one breast in his mouth and the other in his hand, matching the momentum of his thrusts. She dug her nails into his back, hard enough to draw blood. He grunted hungrily, and moved his hand down to her clit. Her rubbed furiously as she felt her breaking point come closer.

He moved his mouth to hers and harshly pushed his lips against hers. Harley couldn't take it any longer, and screamed into his mouth as she rode the wave of everlasting pleasuring. The Joker broke the kiss and became even faster with his thrusts, his balls slapping her ass with his urgency. And with the cry of his name he released his seed into her. His thrusting slowed until he emptied the very last drop into her.

He playfully bit her sweaty breast as he pulled out. Harley's breathing was shallow, and she was so tired she could hardly move. "How was your first time Harls?" he said laughing in between breaths. "I love you so much Puddin', that was so amazing" she whispered back to him. The Joker stood and zipped up his pants. "Good girl Harley, now daddy has business, so sleep, I'll be back later" was the last thing she heard before she felt into a deep sleep.

The Joker, now dressed, kissed Harley on the cheek before walking out of the bedroom and down the stairs. He looked over at her bag and noticed a piece of red fabric sticking out of it. He stalked over to the bag, and unzipped it, reviling her old Halloween costume and jester's cowl. _Harley Quinn, like harlequin! She might be of more use than I thought,_ he thought as he left their new home to go battle Batman.

**THE END**

**End Note: hope you enjoyed it! I may write more, I'm not sure. Please review, and if you liked it read some of my others stories, they all end up romantic or smutty. Don't act like you don't love it :P thanks for reading :D**


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